Another year has gone by — I am not the same person I was a year ago or even a few months ago. One thing remains the same though, no matter how many years go by; I am forever grateful that I ran down that hall way and asked him his name.
I guess it is easy to reminisce the past events when things are going well; we have had our share of ups and down that’s certain — but even still through all the bad times, I wouldn’t walk or want to walk with anyone else. God set our foundation from the beginning and I can’t let go of that or forget; even though at times, it is rather easy to forget. I knew there was something about him that drew him to me. That same “magnetic” attraction is still there; sometimes overshadowed by things that shouldn’t be there.
This world doesn’t make it easy for two people to hang on to each other. There are so many things that can get in the way, whether it be a person or an object, or even both. I find myself with an elephant memory, mostly of things that hurt — usually something someone said. I can overcome most actions, but words stick with me the most. I want to let go of those things so I can be free. It’s probably odd to think about these things on an anniversary or a few days passed it. I suppose an anniversary is a time of remembering and my mind has been full of thoughts and irritations — I guess I am trying to figure everything out and try to find a resolve to bring myself some peace. I don’t want to hold onto the hurt of the past — those things are taking away from the joy of the now.
I love my husband very much. I don’t want to forget that — when things are rough and both of us are ready to walk out I’m afraid that somehow we’ll forget and all of things that mean everything to us will somehow disappear and they’ll be gone. I had a leather bracelet engraved from Broadway at the Beach to remind me: ETERNITY Michael & Krystle. Even that, I have taken off in anger and then felt so bad I cried and felt so lost. There have been many times we’ve forgotten, but yet somehow we run back to each other because that is the only comfort and safety we know; still, I have this fear deep down that somehow this is too good to be true and I’ll lose what I have or I’ll be forgotten about. Maybe in all this worrying is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I worry about it so much with no focus on the now, I lose my way. I really don’t know.
This year’s anniversary was good; I need to remember the story we tell of how we met, I need to remember things he has said to me and written me. I need to allow my memory to forget and unburden myself with the chains of all the hurt and past wrongs. I don’t want to forget the good times and how much I love him and how much he means to me, no matter what happens. My head keeps telling that It is easy to type these positive feelings when I haven’t forgotten and when we haven’t let the world try to tear us apart — My head is right, it is easy to remember when the memories of good times are fresh. It is interesting how my memories work, I’m an elephant when it comes to things hurtful, but a short/forgetful memory when it comes to things good; mostly in regard to people who are closest to me. I need constant reminders. I wish I could rewire my head to fix the way I hold memory. I’m not sure if this has come to be overtime or something that has always been there.
Maybe this post is more for me; as a reminder when things get rough, I can read this and remember. I can know that what he and I feel for each other is real and it’s not going anywhere. We hold a place in each other’s hearts that cannot be replaced; not by something or even someone.